Thank You

He caresses every page with his soft hands and devours every word that I write. I paint this blank palette with the colors of my life and he sees every hue with eyes that understand. I let out my voice and he hears every note of my life.

Thank you.

No Hesitations

Here we go...

I have finally let go of all the fears and hesitations and decided to just be true to myself. I have allowed myself to be vulnerable but I am not afraid anymore because to truly live, one has to let her guard down to truly experience what life has to offer.

I am overwhelmed by happiness now. I haven't been this happy in a very very long time. Everything I feel right now seem so new, raw and fresh. I feel things and I think things and I dont hesitate to share it and express it now. I cannot be mediocre anymore. Not for something this beautiful. Not for something that has made me feel happy and alive again.

I'll risk getting hurt again. I think its worth it. Thats how it seems now.

I dont know what life has in store for me...for us...but I am not letting my fears take over my life. I have decided to live life with no hesitations, finally.

Blown Away

Mind blowing, I tell you!

I think thats the perfect phrase to use right now for all the things happening in my life right now. I had no idea that I'd be caught in such a whirl and that I'd feel this overwhelmed in such a short short span of time.

Time. I have an issue with time. Think of me as old school. I always think that anything that happens to fast or in a very short span of time cannot be real. I could never understand how people can reach an understanding or feel for one another if they've only spent a short time with one another. Yet here I am now, overwhelmed and high after only a month. It cant be what I think it is yet. Too fast. But I'd like to believe that what we both have right now is real and true.

I havent made the big jump yet. I dont plan to do such anytime soon. I am taking my time. I am in no hurry to tie myself down to something that may not be what I'd like it to be yet. I thank God we both understand this. I guess what is essential right now is that we are both happy and we both enjoy what we have right now. Feelings may let you toss and turn all night but as long as you let your mind have its say, then I guess things will turn out well.

Overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed by the newness of things. I am overwhelmed by its freshness. It is so raw yet I feel that it is real. The simplicity of the situation draws feelings that have long been dead inside me.

Dear Bloggy 2

Again, i feel like writing, journal entry style...so bear with me.

Im at the office right now and how I wish that time would speed up. Im dying of extreme boredom and hunger. Its a Sunday and time is extremely slow (whats new?!). I want it to be 10pm already. Im excited. I just am. Ü

A lot of things have been happening to me for the past few weeks. New and exciting things. Things that have made me feel very happy again. But also things that have made me think hard about this new chapter in my life that is slowly unraveling. Life always has a knack for surprising you and it will always keep you guessing as you ride along its twists and turns. Im riding along already. Scared but definitely willing to take a chance.

All Boxed Up

Think of a box. Two things are inside the box. These two things fit perfectly inside. Not too tight and definitely not to loose either. Snug. Comfortable. Swak.

But outside, its a whole different ball game.

I want to stay inside the box forever...

Exchange of Thoughts

Text messaging has gone a long way. Who would have thought that I can find inspiration in the exchange of thoughts that Mako and I just had a few minutes ago via text messaging.

Mako and I are different. So very different yet our minds seem to be always in synch. We can talk about anything and everything. This time its about love. (Well... usually it is about love)

Now that we are at this point in our lives, we both have realized that love is not something that is magical. We finally got over the idea that we can experience the same kind of love that most of us see in television and in the movies. Yes, love can make your head spin and it can make your heart beat thrice in one thud but it can never promise you a happy and long lasting relationship. It can never stand on its own. It can never be just about love. The right kind of love entails respect, patience, perseverance and sacrifice.

You dont jump into a boat that you haven't inspected. Do just that and expect to drown. True love is the kind of love that uses not just the heart but most especially the head. And its not just for your own good but especially for the person whom you love too. No one wants the person that they love to be hurt too right?

Too much thinking is bad for your health

I've been feeling so exhausted for the past couple of weeks. Barely had had a decent sleep. Cant seem to make myself go to sleep. Every night, my head seems to just keep on churning and churning. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Curse you, brain! Too much thinking can restrict you from doing a lot of things! It can prevent you from just...living. Loosen up! But I cant seem to. Too scared, too allergic to risk.

One day at a time. One day at a time...

Kaibigan

Hindi basta basta nahahanap ang isang tunay na kaibigan. Ngayon ko napatunayan yan. Marami kang makikila, marami kang makakasama ngunit hindi lahat ay tunay kang matutunton. Karamihan sa kanila ay dumadaan lamang sa isang yugto ng iyong buhay. Sa pagtatapos ng yugto, kasama ring magtatapos ang inyong pagkakaibigan.

Ngunit mayroong ilan at piling tao na habambuhay na sasama sa iyong paglalakbay. Sa bawat pagpapalit ng araw, sa bawat paglipas ng gabi, sa simula at pagtatapos ng isang kabanata ng iyong buhay, kasama mo silang makikipaglaro’t makikipagbuno sa mga hamon nito. Matagal ko ng nakilala ang mga taong ito. Hanggang sa ngayon, sila ang humahawak sa aking kamay kapag madilim at masikip ang tatahakin kong daan. Sa inyo, maraming salamat. Mahal na mahal ko kayo.

Naguumapaw

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam kapag...para kang umaapaw. Para kang punong puno. Konti na lang, sasabog ka na. Hindi ko na matandaan yung ganitong pakiramdam. Matagal na panahon na ring hindi ko ito naranasan. Ganito pala ulit yun.

Kaya lang...sa una lang sya masaya. Laging sa una lang masaya.

Taking My Time

" When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why..."

Barkley!

1. "Sir, saan po kayo nagtransact? Sa Barkley?" (pertaining to Berkley)
2. Wala daw word na full payor. Transactor na lang daw. Better yet, transformers. Cardholder is a transformer.

Hay nakakatuwa ang aking mga mahal na kaopisina sa banco de oro. puro mga sira ulo.

Proud to be happy

No creative juice is flowing in me right now but it does not mean that Im not happy.

Im finally happy again. And it doesnt mean, that its because Im in love again. Im happy about everything in my life right now. And Im happy and proud to say that its not because there's a new love or anything of that sort but because I have really great friends right now and Im happy and content with my work.

Im so happy and proud that I feel like this now. Makes me want to shout it out and yes, share it in my blogspot as well.

Lupaypay

Pinilit gumapang ng lupaypay niyang katawan patungo sa isang masikip na sulok. Ang buong akala niya'y maikukubli nito ang matinding takot na tila bumalot sa buong niyang katauhan. Hinang hina na siya at wala ng mahugot na lakas mula sa kanyang katawan ngunit alam niyang nariyan pa siya. Halos maligo sa masangsang na amoy ng dugo ang buo niyang katawan. Mahapdi at makirot ang mga sugat na iniwan ng matitinding hampas at hambalos ng malupit niyang mga kamay. Nanlalabo na ang kanyang paningin mula sa mga suntok at sampal ng isang taong dating nagmahal at noo'y nag-aruga sa kanya.

Ibinalot niya ang kanyang mga kamay sa nanginginig niyang katawan upang makaramdam muli ng init. Doon niya nahaplos ang mga galos sa kanyang balat at bigla na lamang siyang napaluha. Hindi niya maunawaan kung paano umabot sa ganon ang dating matamis na pag-iibigan nila. Paano humantong sa mapait na katapusan ang pinakamasayang kabanata ng kanyang buhay? Heto siya't nag-iisa at tila pinabaunan lamang ng pasakit at lungkot.

Napatungo na lamang siya at nilunod ang sarili sa hindi mapigilang pag-agos ng luha. Wala na siyang magagawa ngayon kundi ang magkubli. Marahil maghihintay na lamang na maghilom ang mga sugat. Hahayaang lumipas ang panahon at burahin ang mga alaalang nakaukit sa kanyang puso't isipan.

Dear Bloggy

A friend told me once that he thought blogs are really just used as diaries...for once...maybe I should just indulge myself and make this somewhat like a diary, just for one day. 

 

At this point in my life, everything seems blurry.  Nothing seems clear.  Everything seems finite.  Future definitely uncertain.  Usually, at this age, people finally find themselves.  I seem to have lost me.  

 

Life is passing me by and I seem to be glued to where I stand.  I can't take one further step because I dont know where Im headed for.  My reality is just too real for me unlike other people's.  Its so ironic that I feel restricted by life itself. 

 

I have no one to blame but myself.  I must be doing something wrong.  I just dont know what it is.  I try to look deep inside me but it becomes difficult because I feel empty.  How do you look for something inside something that is hollow?  I've tried to fill myself up.  For a moment, I thought the emptiness would go away and I'd be full of life again.  Unfortunately, I thought wrong. 

 

Now that I find myself pouring over these pages which people I know would probably read, I feel no qualms in sharing these things.  To some of my dear friends, they know what Im going through.  To those who may have just stumbled in, I may be lost but I know I'll eventually find my way back to the path where my life leads to.  Everyone, at one point in their lives,  must have come across this feeling.   

 

I would like to wrap this up on a positive note.  I pray for guidance and strength to carry on.  Most importantly, I pray for inspiration, a little kick in the ass to put it simply. 

 

I hope it comes soon.  I hope you come soon.

I give up

I have given up on love.

I quit.

Alay ko sa Kabataan

Kabataan isa kang malayang nilalang
Ituloy mo lang ang iyong paglalaro
Ang ibinigay sa iyong oras at sigla
Ay iyong igugol upang namnamin ang buhay

Kabataan itaas mo ang iyong noo
At idilat mo ang iyong mata't tumingin sa Silangan
Dahil sa pagsikat at pagngiti ni Haring Araw
Ang iyong kinabukasa'y kanyang ilalantad

Kabataan buksan mo ang iyong tainga
At pakinggan ang tawag ng iyong Inang Bayan
Huwag mong hayaan lunurin ng ingay at mga hiyaw
Ang paghamong maging isang mamayang may silbi sa bansa

Kabataan huwag mong ititikom ang iyong bibig
Huwag kang matakot na isambulat ang iyong nararamdaman
Hindi kailanman maaaring idahilan na mananahimik ka lamang
'Pagkat kahit isa kang paslit ay binigyan ka ng tinig upang magpahayag

Kabataan ipaglaban mo ang iyong karapatan
Huwag kailanman isusuko ito sa kadiliman
Huwag kailanman ipapasupil sa kasamaan
Isinilang ka upang matamasa ang kaligayahang bigay ng buhay

Kabataan huwag kang magkibit balikat
May angkin kang talino't talas ng isipan
May damdamin at pagmamalasakit sa mga kaganapan
Na sa malao'y bubuo rin naman sa iyong katauhan

Kabataan huwag mong ipagdadamot ang iyong mga kamay
Iabot mo ito't ialay sa kapatid mong madarapa
Hawak kamay mo siyang damayan sa kanyang paglalakbay
At sabay ninyong tahakin ang daang inihanda sa inyo

Kabataan hayaan mong umalingawngaw
Ang sigla ng halakhak at kislap ng iyong ngiti
Mga ungol at pighati ng nagdurusang nilalang
Ay patahanin at hilumin ng dala mong kasiyahan

Kabataan lusungin mo ang daang masukal
Huwag kang magpapatalo sa takot at karuwagan
Tapang at kabayaniha'y nag-uumapaw sa iyong puso
Ang siyang may lakas ng loob ang laging nagwawagi

Kabataan huwag kailan man makakalimot
Paniniwala sa dakilang Maykapal huwag maglalaho
Sa oras ng alinlangan at kahinaan ng loob
Sa kanyang puso mo mahahanap ang pag-asa't kapayapaan

Kabataan oras mo'y huwag mong sasayangin
Huwag kang mainip kung animo'y kay bagal ng buhay
Busugin mo ng kwento at alaala ang bawat sandali
Pagka't hindi habambuhay na ika'y magiging bata

Kabataan mabasa mo sana itong handog kong tula
Sana'y kahit papaano'y may naibahagi sa iyo
Nawa'y sa pagtahak mo sa daang patungo sa hinaharap
Baunin mong munting mga aral na regalo ko sa iyo




sa totoo lang, walang kakwenta kwenta 'tong tulang 'to. cliche nga kung tutuusin ngunit dahil sa isa pa rin ito sa mga nilikha ko...mabuti nang isama na rin siya rito. para sa pinsan ko, isa ka talagang alamat. LABINDALAWANG saknong (how i wish saknong meant lines) 'to ineng. ako na lang mag-aaral para sayo, ikaw ang magtrabaho. joke joke joke. peace.

Superwoman

X-ray vision. Invincibility. Flight. Strength of 20 men combined. Speed of light.

Kay raming mga kapangyarihan ang pwedeng pagpilian. Iba’t ibang mga kakayanang pag-aagawan ng sinumang tao sa pagkatok ng unang pagkakataon. Bawat isa ay may katangiang magagamit ng ninuman upang matulungan ang mga nangangailan, ang mga mahihina, ang mga naaapi at higit sa lahat…ang iyong sarili. Tama. Sa oras na mabiyayaan ako ng kahit isa sa mga ito, unang tutulungan ko ay ang aking sarili. Saka na ang ibang tao.

Nakakapagod kapag palaging kapakanan na lamang ng ibang tao ang iyong iniisip. Nakakapanuyo ng lakas ang walang katapusang pagbibigay para sa kasiyahan ng ibang tao. Ibinibigay na sa’yo ay ipapasa mo pa sa iba dahil sa paniniwalang mas kailangan niya ito kaysa sayo. Kalokohan. Lahat tayo ay may kanya kanyang mga inaasam na kailangan nating maabot…matamo upang maging lubusang masaya. Hindi ito pagdadamot. Pagmamahal lamang sa sarili ang tawag dito. Isang bagay na matagal kong ipinagkait sa sarili.

Sa oras na matutunan mong mahalin ang iyong sarili ay saka mo lamang matutunang magmahal ng tama, magmahal ng sapat.

Ayan. Nailabas ko na. Okay na ako. Pwede ko na ulit ipagpatuloy ang walang sawa kong pagbibigay sa mga taong minahal, minamahal at mamahalin ko. Oo, ikaw yun.

Van Helsing vs Dracula

Nakakatawa ang mga pumapasok sa isip ng kaibigan ko. Marahil sa sobrang pagod mula sa trabaho kaya nagkakaroon siya ng ganitong panaginip. Sa mga taong hindi nakakaunawa ng trabaho sa isang Customer Service Oriented na departamento, baka hindi kayo matawa sa babasahin niyo pero sa mga taong may kaunting kaalaman at mas nakakaintindi sa aming sitwasyon...para sa inyo ang bagong kong kwento na aking ibabahagi gamit ang CASE TEMPLATE namin sa opisina.

Nature of Call : Van Helsing vs. Dracula

Cardholders Name/Caller : Jenny N Ramos
Contact no : 09164590074
Card Number : none

Details
> CSO logged in at 800am sharp for her 8-5 shift.
> As per CSO, she was able to receive 70 calls and was so exhausted that after logging out, she was immediately fetched by her father and slept on her way home. This is when the problem started.
> CSO witnessed a great battle between Van Helsing and Count Dracula, Lykan versus the Prince of Darkness. It was a bloody battle. They slashed and bit and tore each other. It was a battle which can only end with the stronger beast standing.
> CSO was so astounded by the battle but she could only think of one thing.

HOW WILL SHE LOG THE BATTLE IN APPLIX.

Customer validation done via : Forever Hanging Applix

FYI: Ang Applix ay isang system na ginagamit upang i-record ang kung ano anong pinagtatatanong at pinaghihihiling ng mga kliyente.

Nakakainip...

Natapos din ang pinakamahabang araw ng buhay ko. Halos lahat na yata ng website ay natingnan ko na. Lahat na ata ng pwedeng idagdag sa friendster ay nadagdag ko na ngunit tila ayaw pa rin maubos ubos ang oras. Makupad siyang umuusad at lalo pang bumabagal dahil sa walang nangyayari sa bawat sa oras na dumaan. Parang pareho lang simula kaninang umaga hanggang ngayong ala sais na ng gabi. Ganun pa din. Walang pinagbago. Sa sobrang kainipan ay hindi mo aakalaing nasa opisina ako sa mga oras na 'to. Lahat na ata ng pwedeng trabahuhin ay trinabaho ko na. Lahat ng email ay nabasa ko na. Lahat ng papel ay naayos ko na ata. Kulang na lang ay pagpatong-patungin ko sila ng pantay pantay. Ganyang kasaklap ang araw na ito.

Bukas...sana'y maging mas maganda ang aking araw. Bukas sana ay magdala ang panibagong araw ng pag-asa at tunay na kasiyahan. Excited na ako.