Lupaypay

Pinilit gumapang ng lupaypay niyang katawan patungo sa isang masikip na sulok. Ang buong akala niya'y maikukubli nito ang matinding takot na tila bumalot sa buong niyang katauhan. Hinang hina na siya at wala ng mahugot na lakas mula sa kanyang katawan ngunit alam niyang nariyan pa siya. Halos maligo sa masangsang na amoy ng dugo ang buo niyang katawan. Mahapdi at makirot ang mga sugat na iniwan ng matitinding hampas at hambalos ng malupit niyang mga kamay. Nanlalabo na ang kanyang paningin mula sa mga suntok at sampal ng isang taong dating nagmahal at noo'y nag-aruga sa kanya.

Ibinalot niya ang kanyang mga kamay sa nanginginig niyang katawan upang makaramdam muli ng init. Doon niya nahaplos ang mga galos sa kanyang balat at bigla na lamang siyang napaluha. Hindi niya maunawaan kung paano umabot sa ganon ang dating matamis na pag-iibigan nila. Paano humantong sa mapait na katapusan ang pinakamasayang kabanata ng kanyang buhay? Heto siya't nag-iisa at tila pinabaunan lamang ng pasakit at lungkot.

Napatungo na lamang siya at nilunod ang sarili sa hindi mapigilang pag-agos ng luha. Wala na siyang magagawa ngayon kundi ang magkubli. Marahil maghihintay na lamang na maghilom ang mga sugat. Hahayaang lumipas ang panahon at burahin ang mga alaalang nakaukit sa kanyang puso't isipan.

Dear Bloggy

A friend told me once that he thought blogs are really just used as diaries...for once...maybe I should just indulge myself and make this somewhat like a diary, just for one day. 

 

At this point in my life, everything seems blurry.  Nothing seems clear.  Everything seems finite.  Future definitely uncertain.  Usually, at this age, people finally find themselves.  I seem to have lost me.  

 

Life is passing me by and I seem to be glued to where I stand.  I can't take one further step because I dont know where Im headed for.  My reality is just too real for me unlike other people's.  Its so ironic that I feel restricted by life itself. 

 

I have no one to blame but myself.  I must be doing something wrong.  I just dont know what it is.  I try to look deep inside me but it becomes difficult because I feel empty.  How do you look for something inside something that is hollow?  I've tried to fill myself up.  For a moment, I thought the emptiness would go away and I'd be full of life again.  Unfortunately, I thought wrong. 

 

Now that I find myself pouring over these pages which people I know would probably read, I feel no qualms in sharing these things.  To some of my dear friends, they know what Im going through.  To those who may have just stumbled in, I may be lost but I know I'll eventually find my way back to the path where my life leads to.  Everyone, at one point in their lives,  must have come across this feeling.   

 

I would like to wrap this up on a positive note.  I pray for guidance and strength to carry on.  Most importantly, I pray for inspiration, a little kick in the ass to put it simply. 

 

I hope it comes soon.  I hope you come soon.

I give up

I have given up on love.

I quit.