Sunday, February 27, 2005

Panahon ng Takot at Pangamba

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam kapag may namumuong takot sa iyong puso't isipan.

Nagiging balisa't kung ano ano ang naiisip. Nanghihina kasabay panlalamig ng mga kamay. Mahirap matakot sa hindi mo alam. Hindi mo tanto kung ano ang iyong haharapin at kung paano ito paglalabanan or malalampasan.

Talagang darating ang isang araw na magbabago ang iyong mga pananaw sa buhay. Gagawa ka ng desisyong hindi mo akalaing magagawa mo. Dapat ay handa ka sa kung ano mang kahihinatnan nito. Madaling sabihin. Sigurado akong mahirap pa ring tanggapin sa unang pagkakataong magkatotoo ang iyong kinatatakutan.

Ngunit kung sa harap ng takot at pangamba'y may kadamay ka, sigurong mahaharap ang unos. Kung ang sumpaa'y tapat at totoo, pawang malalampasan ang takot.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Failed Attempt

Pinilit kong ibahin ang template ng aking blog.

Blogger with no knowledge on HTML and Javascript has made several attempts but to no avail.

Sinubukan kong lagyan ng background pic yung mismong background. Walang nangyari. Sinunod ko naman yung instructions pero ayaw pa rin. Sinubukan kong ibahin yung color scheme ng buong blog ko. Okay na sana nung simula (different shades of gray pa naman sana yung effect) pero nung inaayos ko na yung profile box ko, wala, pumalpak na. Back to my old theme ulit tuloy ako.

Kung may pera lang ako, gusto ko sanang magInformatics para makapag-aral ng HTML at web design. Hmmm... Dapat ko ata itong isama to sa wish list ko.

Inaantok ako pero di pa pwede matulog. Naiinip ako kaya blog na lang ang pinagtritripan ko. Malungkot ako pero di naman pwede magmukmok.

Just let me blog away all my worries

Friday, February 18, 2005

Cool Nerd

I am nerdier than 58% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!



Salamat Maranatha para sa link.

Matagal ko ng gustong malaman kung nerdy nga ba ako. Mukha kasi akong nerd pero hindi naman ako genius. Mukha kasi akong nerd pero hindi naman ako nagtapos na summa cum laude. Mukha akong nerdy pero taga sagot lang naman ako ng telepono.

Pero ayon nga sa resulta...lightly nerdy daw ako. Tama ang hinala ko. Tumpak ang resulta. Tama lang ang timpla ko. Nerdy pero cool.

Isa akong cool nerd. Yebah!

Sumamo sa Panahon ng Paghihikahos

7 araw.
8 pirasong 20 peso bill.
4 na pirasang 100 peso bill.
Mangilan ngilang barya.

Yan na lang ang natitira kong pera. Sa loob ng pitong araw, kailangan ko yang mapagkasya.

Ang iilan kong kaibigan ay malapit ng mawala kapag hindi pa ako nagpakita sa kanila. Dinner, merienda, pizza sa bahay. Lahat yan, kakambal ay pag gasta. Wala akong panggasta. Wag sana ako mawalan ng mga kaibigan.

Konting pag-unawa ang hiling ko sa inyo. Naghihikahos ako, nakakahiya mang aminin.

Nag-iinarte

Baket ba may mga araw na parang gusto ko lang mag-inarte at magpaka o.a.?

Today is definitely one of those days.

Sa mga araw tulad nito, para bang nawawala ako sa katinuan at wisyo. Mahirap maintindihan at mahirap pakibagayan. Nagpapahard to get. Nagpapacute. Baka raw kasi malapit na ang aking buwanang dalaw. Haha. Baka nga.

Hindi ko alam kung baket ako nagkakaganito. Siguro ay kulang lang ako sa pansin. Baka may gusto lang akong sabihin na hindi masabi. Baka may nararamdaman na hindi maipahiwatig. Ano pa man ang dahilan, hindi ko ata mapipigilang mag-inarte ngayon.

Malamang ay nakakairita ito para sa ilang taong makakahalubilo ko ngayon. Pasensya na. Sana'y mapagbigyan na lang ninyo ako. Minsan lang naman ito at hindi naman ako siguro gagawa ng bagay na maaaring ikagalit ng ninuman. Konting kiliti lang naman ito. Pampaanghang sa aking pagkatao. Kung matatanggap mo akong ganito, salamat. Tunay kang kaibigan.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Character Is Your Destiny

Character is your destiny.

Eto yung topic ng mga DJs habang nakikinig ako sa radyo papasok ng opisina kaninang umaga. Noong unang tinanong nung isang DJ yung kasama niya kung naniniwala siya rito, walang masabi yung isang DJ. Kapareho ko, mukang hindi rin ata niya alam ang ibig sabihin nito. Hindi natapos ang usapan ng dalawa. Malamang ay natunugan ng isa na hindi naintindihan yung kanyang sinabi kaya pinaliwanag niya ang ibig sabihin nito.

Eto pa nga ang ginamit niyang halimbawa.

"Kung makakita ka ng isang libong piso sa sahig...pupulutin mo ba ito at ibubulsa o ibabalik sa may-ari. Walang ibang nakakita. Ikaw lang. Kung ano man daw ang maging desisyon mo (kung ibabalik mo ito o hindi), sa oras na iyon matatanto mo at ng iyong Lumikha ang iyong pagkatao kasabay ng pagtanto mo sa iyong tadhana." (syempre, sa salitang ingles niya ito sinambit)

Pagkatapos maipaliwanag, napaisip ako kung nagkaroon na ba ako ng pagkakataong masubukan upang malaman ang uri at katatagan ng aking katauhan. Marami na akong mga naharap na sitwasyon at pagsubok ngunit sa aking pakiwari ay hindi ko pa natatanto ang tunay at nag-iisang pagsubok na susukat sa aking tunay na katauhan. Sana'y sa pagdating nito'y hindi ako masawi sa pagkakakilala ko sa aking sarili. Naniniwala akong itinadhana ako ng Lumikha na maging isang ganap na nilalang na may tatag ng loob at buo ang prinsipyo. Sana'y sa pagdating ng aking pagsubok ay ganap kong maisabuhay ang inaakala kong itinadhana sa akin.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Ayan!

Hmm. Naririnig ko na naman yung comment na "Tumataba ka!".

Matagal tagal na panahon ko nang hindi yan naririnig. Dati, bukambibig yan ng mga tao sa Unionbank at sa Perpetual (noong panahong nagpapaka nars pa ako). Sa sobrang rindi ko sa paulit ulit na hirit na yan, sinimulan ko ang aking crash diet. Ayoko na kasing marinig pa na masabihan ako ng "Tumataba ka".

Pero eto na naman tayo, nagsisimula na naman syang umalingawngaw sa utak ko. Ayoko pa rin syang naririnig.

Bukas, diet na ulit. The world wide web is my witness.

Worried Sick Part 2

Tapos na magkasakit si Mama. Tapos na rin magkasakit si Jenny.

Si Miguel naman ngayon ang inaapoy ng lagnat at sinisipon pa. Lahat na lang ng tao ay nagkakasakit. Nakakainis.

Bad weather kaya? Siguro. Uso lang kaya ang saket? Pwede rin. Stress sa trabaho? Definitely.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pwede kong gawin sa tuwing may kaibigan or mahal ako sa buhay na nagkakasakit. Nasa katauhan ko kasi ang maging parang nanay. Madali akong mag-alala. Wala akong tigil sa pagpapaalala. Puro salita pero wala naman akong magawa. Frustrating.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Rinding rindi

Malamang ay karma na nga ito para sa lahat ng kasamaang ginawa ko sa buhay ko.

Rinding rindi na ako. Konti na lang ay dudugo na ang tenga ko.

Hindi sya tumitigil magsalita. Walang katapusang kwento tungkol sa mga bagay na walang katuturan sa buhay ko.

Tulungan ninyo ako.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Quarter Life Crisis - I am going throught it!

Blogger Abril sent this to us via email. I can totally relate to it so Im blogging it in the hope that other 20 something people would be able to read this. I really dont know if it will help but I guess its a relief to know that Im not alone in how I feel.

----- ooo -----

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laughand cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Worried Sick...

Wala akong pasok ngayon pero talaga namang stressed out ako today.

My mama has been sick since Sunday. Mukang nahawaan siya ng isa kong tiyahin. Hindi kami mga sakiting tao pero mukang pamatay ang virus na dala ng tita ko kaya nagkasakit agad si mama. Umuwi siya kaagad galing Batangas at inaapoy na ng lagnat simula pa noong Linggo. Kahapon, pag-uwi ko, may lagnat pa rin sya. Pinainom namin sya ng Tuseran Forte. Kaninang alas kwatro, ginising niya ako dahil masama ata ang pakiramdam nya. Pagtingin ko sa temperatura niya, grabe, 39.3. Talaga namang nagpanic ako dahil hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Walang nakakatanda sa bahay noong mga oras na yun kundi ako. Pinunasan ko sya, super lamig na tubig ang ginamit ko pero napababa ko lang yung lagnat nya to 38.5. Lalo lang akong nagpanic dahil paggising ko, bumalik sa 39.6. Buti na lang, noong mga oras na yun, dumating na ang pinsan ko. Dinala namin sya sa isang clinic (dahil hindi ko afford ang private hospital) malapit sa aming sabdivision. Niresetahan siya ng paracetamol at ambroxol. Yung biogesic (paracetamol yun), dapat pala, 2 ang ipainom sa kanya. Dalawang tig 500mg, to be taken every 4 hours. Una syang uminom kaninag alas dose ng tanghali. Kabababa ko lang ngayon at guess what, 37.5 na ang temperature nya. Nakahinga na ako ng malalim. Mabisa pala yung nireseta ng doctor. Sulit na kahit na sa maliit na clinic lang kami pumunta. Makakahinga na ako ng maluwag.

Sana ay tuloy tuloy na ang paggaling niya.

Monday, February 07, 2005

My K700i

Smile!000


If Jenny has a 6230, I, on the other hand, have a Sony Ericsson K700i. Switching to Ericsson after being a Nokia user all my life isn't so bad after all. I actually enjoy using the phone now. Just like Jenny's phone, its as powerful despite being just a small phone. To hell with memory cards, my phone is packed with 41MB internal memory so there really isnt any need for more. I've had this phone for two weeks now and I love it. Thank you SSS and Unionbank for making great things possible. Hehe.

Oras ng yabangan ngayon. Nagpapatalbugan kami ng Jenny ng cellphone. I cant wait for Mako to post her phone's photo. Magmimistulan kaming ipot after she does that.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Relax and Unwind

Nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makapagpahinga pagkatapos ng isang napakahabang linggo. Sabi nga ng tita ko, "relax and unwind". That's exactly what we did.

Jenny, Miguel and I went home to Batangas yesterday. For Jenny who has been my friend for 15 years already, it was her first time to see the place where I grew up in before I transferred to Assumption back in 1990. For Shishi, it was a chance for him to meet up my grandmother and my aunt and uncle. It was a chance for him to know me even more since it is another facet of my life which I've wanted him to see so that he could know me even better.

He was feeling nervous about meeting my family. I was excited and also a bit nervous for him. We were worried that he'd be grilled. Fortunately, it wasnt as bad as we expected. All in all, I'd like to think that we all enjoyed and had a wonderful day. We had the chance to just sit by the balcony and talk and laugh and take pictures. The weather was also perfect.

Its a nice feeling when you get to share a part of yourself with someone bit by bit. Having Miguel come to Batangas with me was like sharing a very big part of who I am and I'd like to believe that I've made him know the whole me after that. Having someone know and see where you grew up in is indeed a very import factor for that person to know you better.

Im looking forward to another visit to Batangas, hopefully, I get to bring more of my friends like Mako, Jen and Mags. I'm sure they'll appreciate the quiet time. Its refreshing to the soul. Its healthy for the mind.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts -- inspired by Mako's recent blog.

> Late ako ngayong araw na ito. 40 minutes akong late. Last week, twice akong 30 minutes late. I wonder what HR will do to me? Cant wait to get my memo. Makes me look forward to werk even more. Yaay.

> Just ate Mcdo's Big Breakfast Meal. Masarap pala siya in fairness. I never ever tried it out before. Talk about being a loser.

> Im 25 years old. Pretty young. Yuppie. But everyday, all I want to do is to just retire. Must I really wait 'til I'm 60?! Too bad Im not rich. I have no choice but to slave away til Im old and gray. That sucks. Pbbbbth.

> I hate it when I get disappointed. I cant hide it. I was looking forward to you coming along with us. Oh well. As you said, its too far. Cant do anything. Too bad.

> Im feeling very antisocial today. I want to go home already. I dont like this day. I dont feel like doing anything. I dont feel like talking to anyone. I just want to stay at home, lie down on my own bed, listen to my new fake cds and just stare at the ceiling.

> Okay. Im done ranting. Goodbye.